Glad that I could help. Not many people who aren't adopting truly understand WHY we choose this path! Even, I am sure we don't 100% understand, why..sometimes its just Gods will and not our own. I had my boys birthday party a few weeks ago, where they turned 12 and 10 and ALL my family and friends, about 40 of them we're there. Our parties are huge and last all day and surprisingly everyone knew and was supportive, my Mom has even come around..and like you, if she wavers, I can too at times..but her attitude towards things is pretty good now. I thought I had told everyone, for real about the adoption thing...except I didn't realize my one sister didn't know. She is 12 years older then me and is pretty negative about things..but I have been so open about the process to so many people I really thought everyone knew, I wasn't trying to exclude her. Someone brought the subject up and I was like, Yeah we are pretty much done and will be licensed soon and she almost fell off the chair. She was shocked..asking what I was talking about..I said the "adoption"..she said, oh you decided finally to do it then, I looked confused and then said...yeah I'm almost done..just 2 more things and we are ready to go. She said I didn't know that and I responded, I thought everyone knew...everyone looked at her funny, and so did I. I have blabbed so much to everyone I assumed I had done it to her too...guess not. Had I known, she didn't know...I may have not told her due to the fact she is not real positive on things. The next day, My mom received a call from her, she was livid..saying every negative thing..about the adoption thing and asked why she wasn't told. My Mom told me what happened on the phone later that day and said, well I set her straight and then ...I told her YOU are quite capable. I was happy that she is supporting me. I told you this story so you can see that not everyone even in my life supports everything I do. But I believe IF it is meant to be, that we will be the right family for a child picked out just for us by God. Unlike the rest of my family, I have always done things so different then the group...I have always been the one out there paving new ground and leading the rest of everyone to a different way of thinking. My Mom used to fight me, now she is proud of my tenacity and new ways of doing things. This is probably ONE of the reasons I DO get sooooo nervous. All eyes are on me most times to see how things go. I have been the first to get married young, first to go to college, first to build a home, first to build a second home, first to have kids parties-We have rented a place out for my boys party 7 years in a row, and if all goes well first to adopt and then have the first set of THREE or more kids for any of my siblings..they all have 1-2 kids each. But the funny thing, even though I like you, am a wreck, for some reason, I don't feel like a wreck around them, I look and feel very calm. Which makes them all confused WHEN I do the thing I talk about and it works out. It looks like I am doing it all right then later, they ALL are like, WOW...how effortless. Then their thoughts shift from disbelief to hey...maybe I was wrong after all. I don't try to make them think that, most times they just do. So sometimes, just some food for thought...that even though WE are the ones who are embarking on this crazy, scary, life-changing event..that those around us are changing forever because of OUR choices. I know in my family, I am seen as the one, who is unconventional, yet as my family will agree later, it always seems to work out. Many don't understand it, many are shocked and though I don't plan on it..many are so inspired to think differently. I guess GOD does have a reason, maybe not just for me, but for them too..going into adoption we think its all about our new family to be, but sometimes its just as much about changing other peoples limited views. I know for me, nervous as I get, and I DO get so bad at times, I am always wondering why do I do this stuff..but in the end God knows WHY we do it to begin with, he sees things we don't see and for us to be able to something and be a wreck, yet it works out..it MUST be meant to be. It doesn't mean we won't have problems and obstacles..but somehow we will get through it! Just need an outlet to talk and glad to say, we have it here. God is good now if only he could tell me what to do next...but I wait patientyl trusting in him, even if at this point, I am laughing thinking to myself...God must think I am nuts!
Good Luck with your new child...and thanks too for giving me much needed encouragement, it was wonderful to read your post one night and see ME in someone I never met. It makes me realize that I am not the ONLY one out there, who embarks on a new life without all the anxieties! So you HAVE helped me too! God Bless!
