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Belle, I just wanted to say that I understand how you are feeling and I think your son will appreciate all that you are doing as well.
I hate to sound "harsh," but as an attorney, I often have to tell clients, "It is what it is." (Glad they pay me so much for such deep advice, haha!). But honestly, there are some things that you can't change and you can only work on your own actions, emotions, etc.
Part of the problem I see in OA is that everyone probably has different ideas about what that looks like in their own adoption situation (both birth and a parents). I have been upset that we have not received some things that were promised, but I also understand that maybe DD's birth mom would like to see us more, etc. She doesn't get to "see" her in person very often and I am sure that is hard. It is hard for me that I have to deal with what to tell DD about her sisters when she may never see them again for a long time (I am not going to lie about who they are to her). We all have our own feelings and they probably all are "justified" to some extent. At the end of the day, we all have to be comfortable with the things we do for our children. And I think sometimes we all have to "protect" ourselves when things aren't changing/developing the way we would like. (I haven't been able to change my husband, dangit, and it's been 15 years!).
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