[mrsred]

We have adopted two from the foster system. Our son was removed from his birthmother when he was almost four. He has memories of his life with her. They are not good memories. But when we talk about his birthmother I tell him that she loved him very much, but she had didn't know how to take care of a child as she was not taken care of very well when she was a child. I tell him that she was very young, and very confused, but always remind him that she did love him, even though she didn't know how to be a mommy.
Our daughter was nine when she came to us. She was removed from her birthmother when she was five, but had lived with her grandmother from the time she was removed till she came to us. Her mother was strung out on drugs for over fifteen years. We talk about addiction, and how damaging it is, and how addicts just cannot make good choices, and she was not able to keep T safe. It is good also because it is a good opener for discussing drugs and alcohol. Since her mother was an addict, and T was prenatally exposed to drugs she herself will be more prone to addiction. We do have an open relationship with her birthfamily, but I monitor contact carefully as bmom still makes some pretty bad choices, even without the drugs.