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Originally Posted by SchmennaLeigh
Was researching a bit for a blog later this week and came across a great explanation of rational versus rational anger: (link: Health Topics - Current Health Centers Related News & Articles )
Perhaps that's why we sometimes see our anger as irrational and/or rational when really it is the other one (re: adoption).
Examples or irrational being: birth mother gets pregnant and adoptive mom is angry. The birth mother did nothing TO the adoptive mother BUT the adoptive mother feels worry for the child.
Rational: Visits being canceled, no communication, etc, because those are actively being done to you. |
Hmm...Makes total sense.
So let me ask you this - because this was my state of mind while talking to D yesterday about AJ's firstdad (today that feeling has spiraled into something else - if you want to know what, you'll have to read THAT on the other OA thread
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M (AJ's firstdad) requested a closed adoption when AJ was born, but never signed the papers to close it. When AJ turned 5 1/2, M talked to D and said that he was interested in learning about AJ...so we wrote him a letter (with his permission). He responded with questions, we wrote back and heard nothing...4 months later, we wrote him again because it was AJ's bday, and heard nothing...that was a year ago. I let it go because I don't want to bother this guy. We've given him our info and our wishes that he'd keep in touch if it was something he was comfortable doing. Nothing.
Well, he came to town yesterday with his family and was going to see D.
And there was some "anger" because he's made no attempts to get to know AJ. So I think "Why not? Does he think of AJ? Does he care about him? Does he wonder what kind of student he is? Why doesn't he reach out? If he's in town, why would he NOT want to see AJ?"
Would you consider that rational or irrational? Is it irrational because this man never made any promises to us? Is it irrational because he didn't start out wanting an OA from the get go?
Or is it rational because HE asked to contact, but after one brief letter, never followed through?
I guess though, it really is less about anger and more about hurt and disappointment.