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I don't have experience with adopting an older child, but I do have experience with older children and grief. My dad died when I was eight and I'm very close with my nieces who lost their dad (my brother in law). Grief can last a very long time and impact sleep, eating, emotions, simply everything! When I think about your daughter's situation, it's as if everyone she loves just died.
My thought would be to view everything you see right now as relating to grief, as one possibility, and then chose solutions that will help comfort a grieving child. Is there a language barrier or are you able to communicate? Do you have access to specialists who help children who are grieving? My nieces were able to attend a program for children who had lost a loved one and it made an enormous difference for them. What I have learned through personal experience and as a child and family therapist, is that if a child is misbehaving or simply has bad habits, then structure and behavioral solutions can be very effective. If a child is exhibiting difficult behaviors because of grief, only the most gentle nurturing can help. Any other approach can cause the grief to become greater and lead to a more troubled child.
The best of luck to you, I can hear the compassion in your post and I know you will find her the help she needs.
Susan
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