Quote:
how do you walk the same?
how do you sleep the same?
how do you breath the same?
once there gone..
how do you fit in your clothes?
do you still try and look good?
how do you eat not for two anymore?
how do you remember?
do you try and forget?
once there gone?
|
for me.... nothing was ever "the same" again.... i think even my DNA changed....
how can you walk the same.... when a life has passed through your body into the world?
sleep... maybe... but nightmares ... restlessness.
many bitter tears in the dark cover of night. a pillow muffling the sobs.
nothing was ever the same again....
for me... the pain of remembering was all i had to hang on to... and i clung to the memories... few that there were.
and the agony of trying to forget.... to try to find peace.
but... samonster... for me, i walked alone.... truly, completely alone... there was no one who understood... there was no one who helped me grieve...
and i lived in a constant state of grief.... for too many years.
and then i found this place... i found others. others like me. and the amazing relief, of no longer walking alone....
and my grieving got "unstuck"... and the healing began.
this was 15 years after placing... you are very much ahead of me... you have many hands here... to hold you through this...
and now.... 22 years after placing... there is a certain amount of healing... it isn't raw anymore... it isn't a gaping hole in my heart.... a scar? yes... certainly...
sadness... yes. but i had a semi-open adoption that was closed by the adoptive parents right off the bat... and now, i have a failed reunion behind me... and my daughter is no longer a part of my life...
so yes... disappointment... sadness...
but it isn't a throbbing pain anymore...
and even in the midst of everything you have just read... 22 years after placing my daughter for adoption... I am raising FOUR amazing daughters (not one of them replaced her, as most moms will tell you)... i have a strong and wonderful marriage... i have a college degree, but am a stay at home mom...
in the midst of the pain... and grief... and sadness... and healing... my life did move forward..... and i did find much happiness, success and love....
there is hope after relinquishing... there is life after placing....