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Originally Posted by Leigh131313
I think the idea of the imbalance of power is a pretty good reason why people don't feel that they can get angry/address issues, etc. But, I don't think it's a one side has it - the other doesn't sort of thing....
It's more about wanting to keep what you have - from BOTH sides. Worries about rocking the boat...this doesn't just stem from the person who "has" the child at the moment (ie. eparents before adoption, aparents after adoption)
I think for most of us, we are thrust into a very big relationship without the normal early stages of a relationship - much like an arranged marriage! We don't REALLY know each other, we don't have that comfort level that comes with most friendships (that start small and grow over time). So in a way, it's a bit forced feeling (not like being pushed into something ....but more like you feel like you have to put a bigger effort forward). The only true cure for this is time. For some people, the other party lives FAR away - even harder to get that familliarity and comfortable feeling.
Now - add in the fact that you may not have alot in common as far as "where you are in life" and it gets trickier!! I don't mean this financially or anything like that....I just mean, like in OUR case, we were married 8 years, working, and were ready to start a family....T was in grade nine.
Not alot in common there!!! Now that we've known each other for 4 years - she's done school, has worked and now has a baby....we have WAY more in common!!
I think sometimes the relationships are just really not that established!! This makes them feel shakier.
just some babbling......but my bottom line is I dont think it's all about who "has" the kid as far as power goes. We all have the power to just walk away - and the other party will do it's best to prevent that.
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I agree. I have the child. I could have walked away anytime I wanted to. But my big concern is always trying to get them to open up more and act more interesed and involved. So, yes, they have quite a bit of control as far as that is concerned. I would be absolutely devestated if one day they just dissapeared or said they no longer wanted contact. Especially, after all I've put into this relationship and how that would affect my child.
