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I am more interested in talking about living in a family - or in an environment, whether you define it as a "neighborhood" or whatever and feeling especially "different" and have difficultly identifying with the other individuals in the environment and how.
Being adopted - whether known or unknown - seems to produce a sense of uniqueness or specialness, as it were, that defines how we see ourselves in relation to others. As a small child, I made decisions about my words and behavior based upon having this information and based upon how others felt about this information and it certainly defined some areas of my early life.
Not good or bad
just different from a child that did not have to integrate these feelings.
Then as my alcoholic personality traits began to fully develop - long before I ever picked up - I, as a child, chose words and behaviors that expressed and integrated those additional feelings of being different. This, I believe, addressed a genetic condition.
A little later on, but not too long, I discovered that I was also pre-disposed to homosexuality. There was never any question or debate. It felt very natural and correct for me as a young person. I also feel that my homosexuality is genetic.
So. I began life with 2 sets of genetic information that put me squarely in to 2 minority positions in society. Although I am sure a case can be made that genetic alcoholism may be a condition of the majority. However, RECOVERING alcoholics are NOT the majority, sadly, and therefore suffer form a second degree of social ostrization ( LOL is that a word???)
You see how complicated it feels.
So.
Starting out feeling and even in some cases KNOWING that you are "different" set a tone for how I related to the world. In my case it was "don't talk, don't tell". Then it was being gay which was CERTAINLY "don't talk, don't tell" and finally in recovery it's "good for you, you're in recovery just don't try and inflict it on anyone else". LOLOLOLOLOL Those of you who live around active drinkers know what I am saying.
It's weird not to have any stable forums in this country where those of us who have lived with this much societal pressure can converse in peace and support. You see already how this thread has aggravated those that aren't part of this group. You see, even in recovery, amid my so-called peers, these added elements of my life make it a challenge to communicate on a particular level. I find it interesting. Of course, at this level I find that I simply re-invest in my spiritual life and expand my personal dialog with my God. But there remains, despite all the ground I have covered, an innate feeling of being "different" that can distance me from most others. It's just interesting.
And I would like to talk to those who find that, perhaps, they are in this same boat in recovery.
Thanks to all for responding.
Radiodoll
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