[sarastacey]

I was adopted when I was born and it was a closed adoption so I never new anything about my birth family. When I was ten years old my adopted mother committed suicide and I had to grow up without a mom. I have always wanted to find my birth mother but I have had so many fears about whether or not she would want anything to do with me, and I was busy starting my own family. About two weeks before my 24th birthday I sent in all of the required paperwork to the State Department of Health. The day after my birthday I recieve consenting and nonconsenting information back. There it was in black and white, her name, phone number and address. For the majority of my life she lived twenty minutes away from me. I called the phone number that was provided and it had been disconnected. I ran a search on her and could not find a listed phone number, but I did find a list of relatives so I did a search on them. There was only one that had a listed phone number. He informed me that he was her husbands cousin, and that she had passed away due to cancer in 2004. I know what her husbands name is, I even know what city he lives in. I paid to find his listed phone number and have called several times but I keep getting the answering machine. I don't feel comfortable with leaving a message. I eventually found that she had started searching for me since my 18th birthday, I found her search right here on adoption.com. But I found it too late. I got her information too late. I lost a mother I barely knew, and a mother that I never knew. I wish that I knew what she looked like, what kind of a person she was. I don't know what to do now.