We nipped that in the bud the year we got engaged.
My side of the family (both dad and moms families) spend Christmas together to avoid all the drama, and that's always on Christmas Day. (We used to do the big Polish Wigilia on Christmas Eve, but that ended when my Grandma passed on 20 years ago).
My DH's family, on the other had, spend Christmas eve at his parents, Christmas morning at his parents, Christmas Afternoon at his Dad's entire side and Christmas night at his moms entire. The "main" holiday for them, though is Christmas Eve.
So with all their holiday cheer, where were we supposed to fit in my family? Where do we fit in OURSELVES?
Well, after an ugly incident our first year together (where DH wanted to see me on Christmas but his mom said he had no business spending a holiday with me because I was just some young girl who would never be family -
- take THAT lady!) my DH blew up at her...one of the only 2 times I've ever seen him do that...
We were engaged shortly thereafter, and now spend a few hours on Christmas Eve with his family, Christmas afternoon with mine and the rest of the time with our own family of four...and we tell his mom if she has a problem with that then she doesn't have to spend the holidays with us at all.
Sure, we still get the passive aggressive comments, but who cares? We have our OWN family, and our OWN traditions, and are really tired of being guilted into doing things that we don't want to.
DONT spend Christmas separate from your DH...make your own traditions - guilt be darned!
I realize that there are many separate families to contend with, but who says you have to spend THAT DAY with them? Christmas is a season...stop by and visit the weekend before or after. If they don't like it...well, tough!