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I think the "fake it til you make it" advice is the best. I worried about this when my children first came home and still worry about it sometimes, especially when they're having a hard time and screaming and pushing me away. I never had that "instant bond" ... when people describe "I looked into his/her eyes, and I knew that he/she was meant to be mine" kind of thing. For me, it hasn't been a "falling in love", heart-pounding kind of thing, but more like a thing that's slowly progressing to "it's meant to be ... and meant to be forever". I do try to reflect on all the things I love about the kids at night (when they're ASLEEP and QUIET) and I realize how much I love them.
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