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Interesting thoughts for sure. As a recovering alcoholic of quite a few twenty-four hours, I am unsure if I qualify to respond to this post, because I am not adopted, but feel compelled to do so anyway based on the fact that I earned my seat in the rooms.
My husband and I are both in recovery, and have just adopted a 7 yo boy. He is now living in a sober household, with parents who actively attend meetings and live a relatively sane life with a foundation built on the 12 steps of AA.
What we can clearly see, (the analyzers of behavior that we are) is that his personality is clearly alcoholic in nature. For anyone not familiar with the 'jargon' this means, it is simply that he can never have enough of anything and feels like he is better than and at the same time worst than everyone and anyone. He has all the 'isms' as we say. His personality is so rigid, and his need is so great, the void is almost visible to those in his life that are in program.
Now comes the concern as his parents, we know the parts of the 'shared' family history and being genetically connected through his birthparents and early care providers who all to struggle with various forms of substance abuse. There is also a vague assumption that there was substance abuse while in eutero. Looking at his history, behavioral, social and developmental issues, we can see already that if we do not address the issues, in our opinion, he has the tendancy to become an alcoholic/addict. Not what we want for him, and not a certain destiny, but one that we always need to be aware of.
Having to address the genitics issue, and having to work with therapists, and counselors to un-do damages that were done, I knew that we would have to address the how and whys of having to leave bio-family. I never assumed (maybe because I really was unaware, and recovery is so close to my heart) that he would have to address the adoption issue in this context as well. It just never occurred to me, but from the posts that followed, I can clearly see the connection.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this issue. It certainly has given me something to think about, and to at least discuss with my sponsor. I guess you get what you need and I needed to read your post. I am grateful I checked in today.
Be Well,
Sage
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