Phew! I'm finally making a move on the information I've had for years... Wow. After reading the "Contact Etiquette" sticky I sure could use some advice!
A bit about my situation:
I'm a 33 year old adoptee from Kansas ("Yeah open records!") As such, I've been able to get my original birth certificate since I was 18. I waited until I was about 25, only because it never seemed like a big issue to me. Then, a couple of years ago I made a trip back to Kansas for a friend's funeral and visited the town listed on my BC. Even though it was a dinky little town, there was a historical society and not only were there high school yearbooks, but the man in charge had files for
every family that included newspaper clippings, etc. (A searcher's dream, I know!)
I may have made a mistake, though, as I'd forgotten the cardinal rule of small towns -- everyone knows everyone else and their business. I must have looked like a kid in a toy shop with my mouth hanging open as I looked over the files, so when the man there asked if something was wrong, I blurted out that I thought I'd just found my grandmother (her obituary, at least.) He came over, looked, and said that his mom had helped care for my grandmother before she died. Oops! So much for my being subtle! *wince* It's entirely possible that she knows I'm poking around for information already.
I did find pictures of my bmom and her siblings in the yearbooks, which was very cool. It looks like we're very much alike (similar clothes and hair style, glasses, same place to stand in the choir, same supporting roles in the school play, etc. -- a big support for nature vs. nurture! *lol*) I found her married name and the town nearby where she's living and working now, and even drove by one of the two houses that could be hers. I didn't want to show up on her doorstep and put her on the spot, though, so that's as close as I got...
Now here we are a couple years later and I think I'm ready to take the next step in contacting her. It's come up now because I've just started using Facebook and I think I've either found a half-sibling or a cousin there. I grew up an only child and I've always wished (hoped) for a sibling out there somewhere. The problem is that I'm actually avoiding going to Facebook to contact my friends and relatives because I have the profile of this "semi-mystery person" that I'm really anxious to contact, but I know that's not the first point of contact to make... Also, my family and I are planning to move overseas in the next year or so, and if I'm ever going to make contact, now's the time to fish or cut bait.
I was planning what to say when I made the call and came online for advice. After reading the contact sticky, I need some MORE advice, now in deciding if I should make the first contact by phone or by letter.
Here's how I see it:
If I call, I may put her on the spot, but at least I'd have a response, ANY response. I would know that at least she's aware that I'm here and wanting to reunite. It would be somewhat out of my hands at that point, which I'm pretty sure I'm OK with. Yes, I'm aware that calling her and perhaps putting her on the spot may blow chances of further contact, but...
If I sent a letter I would agonize endlessly about whether I put enough postage, whether or not it had arrived yet, etc., and if she didn't respond immediately, I'd start panicking. (I don't feel much of anything right now, so that would make me a basketcase!) Also, if I sent a letter it could get intercepted or found by her husband/family and that might put her in a particularly awkward situation if she's not told them about me.
I'm sorry this is so long! It's all been rolling around in my head for years now, and I guess what I could really use is to hear from someone else, how your first contact went and whether it was by letter or phone. Also, if you could do it over, would you choose the same method?