[Rylee45]

I don't know why your mom doesn't want anything to do with you right now. I am sorry that she doesn't. I don't know if this is her situation or not but just because she gave you for adoption doesn't mean she didn't want you. Believe me, MOST of us wanted our babies but society back then didn't allow for it. No one cared what we wanted they only wanted to get rid of the "problem" for us. They didn't think about the long term or even care about that.

Everyone was so convinced (and still are it seems) that a child deserves two parents and a single parent can't possibly be a GOOD parent. Also the "embarrassment" of your child having a child out of wedlock. OMG GASP! I think that's so ridiculous! A single parent can be a good parent just as good as two parent home! But barbarac old fashion ideas still are in the minds of some people and they still believe and believed that a baby shouldn't stay with the birth mom if she's single. If you're mom isn't dealing with this very well, she probably wanted you more than you know. Or of course if you were a product of rape, that could be the reason too. If you weren't then she is probably just hurting so much because she probably wanted you and wasn't able to keep you for whatever reason.

As for her not aborting you instead, it could be more a thing about abortion being murder (in some person's eyes) whether they are religious or not. People don't have to be religious to believe that way.

She also might have just wanted you to have a better life and back in the 70's not only were adoptive parents told they were getting a baby with a "clean slate" to "mold" into the person they wanted them to be (maybe not put exactly that way but you know what I mean I hope) and the records were closed etc, but birth mothers were told pretty much that all information would be in sealed records and not easily found.

We were told to go home and forget about our babies and "move on" as if we'd never had a child. In fact we were told (at least in my situation) that we should never mention that we'd had a child because it would ruin our reputation and "no decent man would want us".

We were told our babies had new parents and they probably would not ever want to find us because they would be in "good homes" with "two loving parents" and the "need to know us" wouldn't be there.

I didn't want to believe that and I didn't but a lot of us probably did and tried to put it out of our minds that we'd ever see our baby again. It was painful and horrible and sometimes "doing the right thing" hurts more than it should.

Your mom probably went through so much in her life maybe even before she gave birth to you and then all the years after that it just might be too painful for her to see you knowing that she didn't keep you or couldn't or whatever it was that caused you to be adopted.

There may be a lot of factors. But it might be that she was convinced that your parents who raised you are your parents and she had no rights to even think about you being her child so she isn't dealing with the idea of your actually being in her life. I don't know if that make sense or not the way I'm saying that.

I'm glad she didn't abort you. You are a special person and someone who deserves life and to happy if you can. I feel sad that she doesn't want anything to do with you.

I'd give anything to have a good relationship with my daughter that I didn't have to sneak around to have and sometimes not even get at all.

I hope things change for you in the future with your relationship with your birth mom. I wish adoption didn't have such bad effects on some people. It's such a hard thing to deal with. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Rylee