[Celesyee]

Originally Posted by dalene

We have wonderful family and friends that are as supportive as they can be given that they can't possibly understand where we're at
right now...

...The problem I'm having is with one of my best friends who has made what I see as negative comments regarding the baby's race twice now.

To me these two statement are totally contradictory. I'm wondering how you can describe your friends as being supportive. I don't know about you, but supportive and negative don't usually go together.

In adoption, many PAPs may feel sickened from the fees involved in adoption, overwhelmed with the hs process, tired of the wait, scared of the what-if's. A supportive friend may not know what these worries are, but IMO a supportive friend should be there to listen...not make jokes, regardless if it's about the name you've chosen for your child, your child's birth state, or your child's ethnicity.

Originally Posted by dalene

These are very good friends of ours and I don't want to ruin a friendship over this...

...I'd rather address it now before the baby comes than later--but I don't want to
botch it or ruin our friendship.

I really don't see how you'd be ruining the friendship. She's the one making the negative comments...if anybody is ruining the friendship, it's her.

Because you've initiated this post, it sounds like you already know that talking to her now-and on an as needed basis-is about taking a stand for what you believe is in the best interest of your child and family. Research has concluded that children who are raised with healthy and positive ethnic pride have higher self-esteem and self-confidence.

I agree with the PPs about directly approaching your friend. Maybe sit her down and thank her for all the support she's given you throughout your family planning, but let her know that she's made some negative comments about your future child's ethnicity. Tell her that she may find her jokes funny, but to you, DH, and future child they are not funny and extremely offensive. Jokes can only go so far. Sometimes jokes are all fun and games, but more often they are hurtful and offensive.

Ask her how she'd feel if she was the only one of her ethnicity in a room full of people who all shared the same ethnicity. How would she feel when the other ppl started making jokes about her ethnicity?

Good luck!