[dalene]

I have a very difficult situation that I have no idea how to handle. We are in the process of adopting an AA baby due in a couple of weeks. We have wonderful family and friends that are as supportive as they can be given that they can't possibly understand where we're at
right now. The problem I'm having is with one of my best friends who has made what I see as negative comments regarding the baby's race twice now--once to her 4yo son and again last night on the phone to her husband when she was at our house. They see the comments as funny but I find them highly offensive. Last night I walked away from her when she was talking, but I didn't know what to say. These are very good friends of ours and I don't want to ruin a friendship over this,
but I know that I have to address it and let her know that I'm not okay with these comments. Also, if they continue, we won't be comfortable with our child being around them-and that would be extremely difficult because they are truly good friends of ours and I can see our children being close friends as well.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to approach this topic in a nice way with her? I know it has to be done because she's definitely not getting it from subtle cues I've tried to give. I'd rather address it now before the baby comes than later--but I don't want to
botch it or ruin our friendship. I admit that right now, it's
strained anyway because she can't possibly understand how I'm feeling since she's never been here and I feel totally disconnected from her. I think this is normal and I can deal with that--but not with the racial comments that she sees as jokes. I don't know if there's any
way for me to make her undestand how it's made me feel--but I'm open to any and all advice, thoughts, etc. TIA!

P.S. of course we've gotten some negative comments from others who have asked about the baby's race--but no one as significant in our lives as this couple. Other people are easier for me to brush off and handle with conversation-stopping statements but since we're close to this couple and spend a lot of time with them, I can't just let it go.