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Originally Posted by akcskye
Hey all...I am just wanting your thoughts. I X-Posted this in the adoptive parents forum.
My long story short...I adopted 2 wonderful kids from foster care, and even though I will support them if they should ever want to see their birth mother again (ALL contact with any birth family was dissolved and advised against by DHS...but their reasons are extremely valid...won't get into it here), here's my question:
Parents...does it sting you to the core sometimes whenever you hear your child, who does know and remember their birth parents, to say they WOULD like to see them again once they turn 18
Even after all the BAD they did to them and let happen to them? Even after all their birth family sold them a bill of "we love you, but you're too energetic to keep you" goods?
I could understand if the other family members were older, but this even came from a 50 year old grandmother and 35 year old aunt!!!
I mean, I know as an AP, I have EVERY right to have the feelings I have...and who wouldn't if you adopted a child(ren) with serious birth family baggage...but I can't help but feel guilty about feeling that way (even though I NEVER tell my children that is how I feel because I want them to always feel comfortable telling me about anything from their past, good OR bad).
Am I normal in feeling this way? Any sage words of advice?
Thanks for the vent...it does help to "talk" sometimes.
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I am in the process of adopting and I
definitely could see this being an issue for me, under certain circumstances.
For what it's worth, my advice would be don't take it personally. This is probably not a rejection of you, but more of an embracing of part of who they are. One training I went to explained it this way. They said that if you reject your kids parents because of what they did, and the kids were a part of that past abuse, sometimes the kids feel rejected because of the adoptive parents lack of acceptance of those same parents. Or something like that, lol.