[akcskye]

Why don't you come up with some huge story, that is your worst nightmare times 1000 that will be much worse than what the truth probably is, and tell them that this is what you think had to have happened with the level of secrecy your family is still trying to achieve...and that anything "less" than that would be a GOD SEND of relief in your heart.

The imagination IS worse than the reality most of the time, so maybe by making them think you're believing that "most horrible story" you'll make up, they'll be conned into telling you the "truth" to put your mind at ease, because you think it's so much worse.

That would be the tactic I would take in your shoes.