I am wondering if I am the only one struggling with obstinate "adoptive/kin/parents" who refuse to tell me the facts of my birth, and still claim they are my parents. Yet they will not confirm nor do they deny my now writtnen and verbal belief to them that I know that who they convinced me was my big brother was indeed my birth father, and my birth mother was indeed one of his ex wives. I knew them both, have their names, do not know birth mom's last name presently. I tried a search angel, no luck there. NONE OF THE FAMILY IS IN CONTACT WITH ME PRESENTLY. All refuse to speak to me - all of them. I am not allowed to ask them any questions at all, they hang up on me, or they pretend I am not talking, or they address some esoterical issue with me. I have stopped communicating with them, because trying to find out something this important, and thier evasion towards me is so degrading that I can't explain it. I feel like I am doing something "wrong" by not calling and chit chatting with them. I am trying to silently kindly prove to them that if they aren't going to get things straight with me and have an honest conversation about it, just once, then I don't owe them any more polite chit chat of nothingness. In which my adad likes to give big fat hints and clues about the reality, but won't ever tell me it out in the open. It just drives me crazy what he says, and I can't ever figure it out, nor can I ask him a direct question and get a direct answer. I mean literally it drove me crazy a couple of times. I really thought that "adad" would tell me the truth if no one else would. I was way wrong, he is one of the worst ones at manipulating the truth, and leaving out the "rest of the story" so that it sounds like he has answered you, but when you think about it, he hasn't said anything at all. Much like a politician does!
This is not just since he is older, (late 80's, but still very sharp), but has been going on all of my life with him and her and my "brothers"! In other words they like to play some game with me where they "say it without ever saying it" but we all know what they are talking about at the end, and they feel justified that they didn't bold face lie, however they manipulated the truth so badly that it can only be thier truth in context with an underlying meaning, and they aren't open for anyone questioning them. If I do ask them something they just say they don't know or they don't remember. It's just disgusting and very mind boggling. Anyone know what I am talking about? It's like having a double or duel conversation while you think you are talking about one meaning they are talking about two or three meanings to it. when you figure out what they realPlus they do it jokingly, and it hurts even worse because they are laughing at the fact that I didn't get it what they were saying for real.
I wonder if anyone has had confronted their adoptive or kin parents (in my case grandparents or great Aunt and Uncle) and in the beginning refuse to tell but then later, before they pass on end up telling you the truth, or there after? Ir encourntered people of this nature before. They seem to have made a vow or a promise and will not ever tell me while alive. I have heard "amom" say on many occasion that when she is gone she doesn't care who knows, she won't be around to deal with it, she'll be in heaven! I find that really disturbing!!!
I find this all so sad that I have told them I KNOW, I named my birth parents names, and they refuse to speak to me about it. They just remain neutral, neither confrim nor deny, they'll just tell me a story. I know I can't be the only one going through this.
To make matters worse, they claim they are Christian people and have faithfully attended church for more than 55 years. I find it to be so horribly opposite of what they are doing. I understand what the concept was in the 60's, and that parents thought they were doing the best of the child. This is 2008, right? I have to ask, I have trouble with reality and fantasy, anyone wonder why? lol. I know it's 2008.
i guess I just want to know if anyone has ever confronted their adoptive parents be they kin or not and later on they changed their minds and told them before they passed on or after.
I just want to know if I am missing something , or is this just something that was, is and will always remain as their choice and I can do nothing more about it but leave the door open, pray for them, and suffer? How do I stop grieving over the fact that they refuse to be honest with me? How do I stop grieving over all of this. I have no family. How could this have been the best thing for me like they say? I love my children and I am honest with them, that protects them, and keeps them safe, even if it's not always what they like or want to hear.
OK, this got way longer than I intended, but I'll submit it this time instead of erasing it and keeping it to myself like I usually do!
I just need some perspective, it's really hard for those that haven't experienced anything like this to understand.
Thank you for your considerate, kind replies in advance.