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i thank you all for knowing nothing about me but my story,
and to my understanding it has touched many of you. for a long time i was wondering to myself if this was a "big deal". what will other people think? will they accept the fact that im having a baby and giving her up for adoption or would it some how be played down into a sluur of words regarding " she never cared"
blah blah blah
and because of this action would it take away the fact that i did have a baby and brought a life into this world that i brought this upon myself.
what im tring to say is that i dont want anyones pitty for what i have done and what am doing i just want people to realize that iam in pain and that this wasnt easy, that this makes me no less of a mother at all.
what im worring about is when i need to grive the loss of my baby.. i dont think i will be able to handle people saying
"..welll you know...this was your choice...."
I KNOW! that this is my choice, ive known all along
this maddness train of thought will not stop it seems.. ugh,
i was reading somewhere that a mother after her child is gone will react as if they are gone, gone as in dead..
i need to be accepted when i start my griving Opal and i know out of all the people around me no one will understand.. its making it harder moving foward knowing that.
i understand, i know, but i can only lean on myself for so long
i have faith that things will get better, and that i will only become stronger from this, ive been a broken child for many of years and i hope this does not make me a broken mother..
ive set up nothing but the best of intentions for myself and i plan to keep all my goals, dreams, etc. i just have that feeling that loneliness will come back to eat me
as if that wasnt my biggest fear, ive gotten myslef into quite the pickle! ha,
taking this whole thing one day at a time seems to be working (for now) but i still worry about tomorrow in the back of my mind.
i just need to see her face then my life will make sence.
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