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I am so sorry that you are squarely in the middle of this very ugly situation.
I recently heard an expert on children of divorce say that when one parent disparages another it is an insult to the child...to the child's very dna because they are part of that person.
I have kept that in mind as an adoptive parent. Everything that I say about my son's first parents will be something he will internalize about himself, because he is a part of them, of their dna. My biggest worry for your daughter is that she will feel not only are you are unworthy, but as an extension, so is she. She will feel the very way she came to be is tainted, and that is a shame because she should be seen as a blessing. Maybe this is how to approach the mom if you choose to do so.
Okay, kind of a vent but...I for one don't think premarital sex is wrong. I think it is best to delay until late teens (college age) because I don't want my child to deal with adult problems at a young age. But as a woman who didn't get married until I was 36, I am happy celebacy wasn't my only option! Of course I respect those whose religious beliefs oppose sex before marriage, but I reject the idea that all sex outside of marriage is immoral or bad.
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