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Originally Posted by bo_77
Hi,
I just joined in today. I am a foster parent to two kids. They are siblings. The eldest one 4 years old is having a problem dealing with the fact that she does not understand why she has to visit the mom and then come back to us. we have explained this through family therapy and she seemed fine with the explanation, now after a couple of months she is back to square one. She seems in a lot of inside pain( it is difficult to explain the pain, but I am sure you all can understand it ). I try to get her to react and maybe cry but she refuses to. Can anyone suggest what we can do to help her without involving more therapists ?
Thanks
Bo
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Best way we went about discussing the pain was thru drawings and journals. It's really hard to watch them grieve (as it's a loss to them). Some people handle grief much differently then others...don't force her to cry or show emotions right away...kinda guide her to discuss it either by talking or drawing, etc...
And I found the best thing is to acknowledge the pain our daughter is feeling by saying "Oh I know you feel sad and miss mom" and "It's ok to be sad" or "It's ok to miss mom/dad" and I left the door open for her to come to us to talk about her feelings...which it took her awhile to do. It won't be an overnight process. I see improvement and then we go backwards...baby steps.
And I think therapy is something you may wish to look into before it gets worse (especially if you're dealing with RAD). It's definitely not good to bottle it up all inside and she may need to learn how to let it out. We still go thru therapy every other week...and it helps her alot (even though we may not see it sometimes).