[KarynB]

Hi Harry,

I was just catching up on your blog and wanted to ask a few questions and make a few comments. First, I'm really glad to hear you've found a therapists that might work for you guys, we went through a few too before we found one that "clicked".

But, I have to say, some of the stuff you are describing or "offering as proof" that your son is a psychopath seems to me very obviously related to trauma and attachment. I see much of my son (or what used to be my son) in alot of what you are saying. And, I have to say, I disagree - kids CAN be taught how to feel emotions again. The first two years my son was home, anything "nice" he did was just going through the motions - he didn't know anything but how to take care of himself first. After consistent praise and endless positive feedback, he learnt this "feels good" and did it more on his own. And even if they never feel emotions the way an untraumatized person does, they can learn coping skills and how to function in society.

And I think it is really unfair to ask a kid who obviously has no concept of emotions or has not processed any of grief/anger about what "hurts more" - losing his family or missing dessert. Of course he has no idea what hurts more, he has shut down all his emotions so nothing 'hurts more'. It's like asking a person who has no feeling in his legs what hurts more - a pin prick or a car running over your foot. He has told himself a long time ago that nothing hurts, it's all ok...he has lied to himself over and over again just to survive. Now he has to learn new skills, and that takes time.

And the emotion of anger stems from fear. Maybe this would be helpful to think of when your son is angry? One technique we learnt is that when you are angry with him, ready to give up, frustrated, etc - try to picture him as a little boy of two or so being neglected, abused, abandoned - it really helps to go back to why he is doing what he is, and to keep compassion in your parenting.