[julie23]

samonster.... i am both a birthmother... and an adoptive mother... you are going through the most difficult part of an unplanned pregnancy... there just isn't anything easy about becoming a mother... especially if you are unsure that you are going to be what is best for her....

i agree with what the others have said... if you have doubts... please reconsider. I felt forced into placing my daughter and I think it made it that much harder to deal with in the forever after.... and i mean forever after.

relinquishing a baby is forever... and there are not any guarantees... there are not any guarantees that adoptive parents will keep their promises... my relinquished daughters parents did not keep their promises... and this was extraordinarily painful... and compounded my grief and unhappiness... forever.

but if you truly think that taking this risk is better for the baby than your parenting... well, adoption can be a positive experience... we are one of many many adoptive families that DO keep promises... that do value and love the baby's birthmother... we send pictures... email... call... we even send birthday gifts to the half-siblings... and christmas, too... we would welcome visits, if she so chose!

but either way... whether you parent or place... your baby girl DOES deserve to know you.... she would NEVER be better off without knowing you... i promise you... no matter what mistakes you have made, those are in the past... and you are growing up every day... you will not always be in the position you are in today... today is transient. you will not be this person in ten years... or twenty. and your daughter does deserve to know her mother... so, if you pick adoption... please do lots and lots of research... and pick the family very very very wisely.... at least as much as is possible.... and stay in contact with your daughter...