[Samonster]

I happen to be eight months now and just met my daughters parents. I cant begin to explain how I felt when they walked into the room, wonderful. I'm 18 and this pregancy has turned my life around, from being a heavy drinker and drugs to becoming completly sober she has changed my life, and I am thankful for her. I know I can not suppot her the in the ways a child needs to be. Her father is someone who doesn't care and drugs have consumed him, I've been alone this whole time and pray for his peace in self distruction. I'm kept awake by thoughts at night, am I doing the right thing, Its hard to tell ones self that you wount be able to do this, with a constant reminder in my belly its even harder, everytime she kicks its like a reality check. Im not sure what im looking for even in posting this, some sort of support,some one to listen to me?

How is it possible to miss someone so close to you?
My mother tells me this is what i need to do, mind you shes walked out on me time and time again through the course of my life, her words dont matter to me but the fact is she is my mother and it stilll hurts.

I feel as if Opal's (my daughter) father wanted to be involved things would be different. is that really a factor to take into concideration when talking about someones life? I cant help but to feel as though he is responsible for my actions im about to make. I feel selfish and its as if the answers right in front of me and i refuse to look at it, or i cant find it.

Unconditional love is something I've always wanted and now im faced with it and im running away.

If you know your going to regret something, do you continue to follow thru?
the truth is something i knwo nothing about and as far as tomorrow is concerned im clueless on how ill feel

so in an ending note this is something ive considered sence i was four months, how long does it take to reach peace? when will i know what i have to do, besides what i should do