[KarynB]

Wow, reading your blog hurt my heart - both for you and your wife and also for what neglect and abuse did to this little boy. I also feel so much anger for a system that does not properly prepare potential adoptive parents for what they are getting themselves into with an older child adoption. I have a friend right now who is preparing to adopt an older child and she refuses to listen to any of my warnings/advise/experience because she doesn't want to "hear the negative" - then I read stories like yours and I know it is SO important. In fact, we rarely talk right now because I can't understand her unwillingness to educate herself about her future child's potential problems to avoid scenarios like you are describing- and know what it is like when you don't do that.

Our middle son also has mild/moderate attachment issues - and it is so often his lack of remorse that floors me. However, we are learning (and he is learning) that empathy can be taught, even if never felt as keenly as those who have not lived through early traumas.

Please, please tell me you all have been through extensive counselling with a qualified attachment therapist.

I also agree with rottymom - the first thing I also thought of was FAE - not being able to figure out abstract, problem solve, etc. Has this been on your radar as well?

Thoughts are with you and your family...

Karyn