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Thanks to all who responded to this post. I was the original poster on the adoptive parent side and it has been eye opening to see the other side of the triad. I have not visited the birthparent forum before tonight. My husband placed his daughter in an open adoption (it kinda closed after 10 yrs) when he was 19, and I have been a witness to the sense of loss he has felt ever since. It has been offset somewhat by a successful reunion (she is 25 now and doing great) but truly nothing will erase the emptiness that was brought on by the placement so long ago. Even being able to raise two great children with me cannot fully make the hole in his heart vanish. We choose open adoption for our family because of his experience and it has turned out to be the best for us. I have met several birthmothers and birthfathers over the past decade and have consistently been amazed at their ability to place their children. It's been hard not to grab them and tell them "think twice, three times, before you make your decision." My husband and his college girlfriend made the only decision they felt they could at the time, but after seeing the emotional fallout that has continued over the decades, it is clear that there are no easy answers. Until I married him, I had no idea of the pain that birthparents can face for the rest of their lives. I realize that some birthparents are able to integrate their decision to place and move on emotionally. But every person is different. So in answer to your post, no, placing did NOT make him stronger, better, or more tolerant. Thanks again for helping me to see the other side.
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