Oh, sweetie...I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. Most of us have all been there. I will say this, as cliche as it sounds, is that KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!
You are obviously stronger than you even realize, as you have come here to seek answers and speak with people who know what you are going through. that is a VERY smart thing to do. I have been through therapy, and even though it has been very helpful, it isnt as helpful as talking with people who have gone through the same emotions.
You can get a lot of knowledge from books, too. You dont have to think about a reunion now. I think (and this is just my opinion) that it's important to get a bit more in touch with yourself & your feelings about your story and knowing/hearing/reading of other people's experiences is really helpful. Sort of like, "OMG, I totally get that- been there, done that." The books I read & meetings with other adoptees really helped me heal. I didnt feel alone, and it was so nice to know I was not "crazy" for having the feelings I did.
I just made my first posts on this site tonight, and wow- do I wish I would have had this resource 22 years ago. But, Al Gore had not invented the internet back then, lol.
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