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I think I can honestly say that in my individual case, the pain has gone away. Their is still grief about my loss, occasionally still some anger, and sometimes sadness, but not the gut-wrenching pain that used to be there. This has not been a sudden change, but a gradual process over the last few years. For several years being an adoptee was a central part of my life, now it is just one aspect among many that defines me.
Have you tried journaling? Set aside some time each day (I would suggest 30 minutes to an hour, no more) to write out your feelings. If you can't write, draw, or scribble, or doodle, anything will do. During this time allow yourself to express your feelings freely, cry as much as you need to, whatever it takes to comfort yourself. I would hug myself, curl up in a ball, and rock back and forth when it was bad. After your "time" is up, take a few minutes to compose yourself, reassure yourself you can come back to the pain any time, then let it go. That takes some practice, but eventually it does work. Meditations and/or visualizations can help, I developed my own meditation which I called "Put it on the shelf", I would assign each feeling an "object", visualize a shelf, and place the object on the shelf where I could go back to it at a later time. Some have found it helpful to picture a box, but for me that was too stiffling--I can hide boxes and never go back to them, but the shelf is open reassuring me that I can come back to it & it will still be there.
Keep working closely with your therapist. Does he/she have experience with grief & loss issues?
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