[BlackSheep]

didi20-
I won't lie to you and say that there is a magic answer to getting the pain to stop, or that it will ever entirely go away, but it can get better.

Bottling up your feeling won't help in the long run as you have found out. The feelings will just come back and will come back with even more force and be even more overwhelming.

For me, acceptance was the first step. There was absolutely nothing that I could do myself to change the situation I have lived. Others made that decision for me and I wasn't in a position as a newborn to have any "say" in what happened to me. Also, I had Christ in my life to help guide me along the way. I don't know if religion is a part of your life, but I have found it to be a great comfort in my life.

Education about adoption and psychological issues has also help to heal me and accept myself. I am not the only one in the world that feels the way that I do! Nothing is WRONG with me and others feel the same! How freeing! There are many books available on the psychological issues that face adoptees and others in the triad.

I am slowly working through all the other feelings that go on and how I react to others that is NOT the way others would. I feel abandoned when that is not the intent, etc. This is a life-long journey and there are times when I wonder if I will be able to get through the next situation without cracking up, but I do and I am better and stronger for each one.

Is this easy? NO, but you can do it. You do have all of us to turn to when you need any support whatsoever. We are here and we know the feelings you are feeling.