Okay - I was going to write individual responses, but I guess I will just do it all at once - ha ha
First of all, thanks to everyone for your opinions/advice/thoughts. I appreciate it more than you know.
Okay - blacksheep - I replied to you, so onward I move.
bprice215....thank you for your kindness. I don't feel like "one hell of a woman," just a woman who did what she had to do. I believe I am going to have a heart to heart with her mom and let her know what's on my mind.
BethVA62... I took your words to heart and wrote my mom a letter today explaining the facts around the conception of my first child. It was very difficult and I'm not sure of her reaction as of yet, but I needed to get it out there. She needed to understand where I'm coming from. And yes, my daughter knows about her sister that was placed for adoption. That is actually what started this. I had e-mailed the adoptive parents and asked if the girls could e-mail each other (they have written in the past). She then mailed me back stating that she believes it would cause confusion/anger/jealousy if she was able to contact my daughter, but not me and wonder why I didn't want anything to do with her. I can understand her worry.
Dickons... I will work on that letter and most likely post it on here so everyone can read it and help me out
It's really difficult to think of writing such a letter and I know that the many adoptees in this forum will certainly let me know if I am being sensitive enough or appropriate. That is a very good idea - thank you.
txrnr... last Christmas I sent a photo scrapbook of myself and family to her. She was thrilled to have it according to her AP's. I guess it helped, but she really wants to meet me face-to-face and not just have the pictures anymore. I know it must be difficult for her. She has a brother who sees his birthmom quite a bit and has known her from the time he was a baby...
cksmom...I pray that your birthmom decides to resume contact with you. With everything that is in me, I can't imagine the hurt that any of you have gone through not knowing your birthparents, not being to find them, or finding them only to be rejected. It tears me up that I could be inflicting that on someone else, especially when she's a part of me.
I will at least respond to her mom's email and take it from there. After two nights of not sleeping and thinking, I have decided that within the next 6-months, I will meet her. It is a goal I hope to keep. I know it will hurt like hell and everything inside of me wants to run away, but I can't. I have read so many posts on here and see the heartache of adults looking for birthparents and how they feel they missed out on so much. I don't think I have the heart to continue to let that feeling of rejection be thrust upon this young girl who is at such an impressionable age. I look at her pictures and see myself (she looks exactly like me) and that makes it even more difficult at times. I worry about questions she may ask, her reaction to me... will she like me? think I'm ugly? too fat? too old? ha! Oddly enough - I think many of you probably felt that way before you met your birthmothers....
Thank you again for everything. I'll keep you posted