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Yep, it's going to be an emotional situation no matter what happens. My wife always tried to force her way into my adopted side of life and it caused a lot of problems for many years. It still does to some degree. There is no way in the world that I would allow her to make first contact for me, but that's just me.
I would go for sending a letter via registered mail. include a postcard with check boxes for Yes, No, Maybe, Please give me time, etc... Maybe a recent picture.
Of course make sure that the letter states the necessity of taking things slowly and dealing with bigger issues as they come. The shock of contact may cause her to delay in sending anything back but at least she will know that the door is open.
Best wishe and I hope things go well.
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