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Striped, I am the wife of an adoptee as well (and an adoptive mom).
I sort of "pushed' my DH to try to initiate contact with his birth mom. After much searching, he found her and contacted her by letter. The letter was really nice....said how well he had done, thank you, blah blah. In any event, he also said, "I am not trying to cause you any pain, etc." Unfortunately, he never heard back from her. I can tell you that I think it has affected him deeply and he is pretty sad about it. (He also now feels "angry" that he sent her a picture of our family, etc.).
I just tell you this because I know as the spouse it can be a little "scary" to think of your spouse getting rejected (alternatively, I was a little worried about his opening this "pandora's box" that he was not ready for, etc.). I think the best thing to do is just to say that you are going to be with him and support him no matter what...
I don't really like the idea of YOU acting as a buffer (maybe a counselor from an agency or something if he doesn't want to make contact directly?). Btw, has he located his birth mom?
GOOD LUCK!!!
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