[mommy3]

I work with college students and have been asked to help many times over the years when someone was deciding what to do about their pregnancy. I'm very clear with reminding them that NO MATTER what they choose to do, they will live with their decision for the rest of their life. None of their choices are simple once they are pregnant. One of my friend's dd's birthmom's has said that she couldn't make anyone happy. . . that there wasn't a 4th great choice; she only had a choice btw adoption, parenting or abortion -- there wasn't a 4th choice -- and so she chose adoption for her baby.

I cringe when I hear, "I could NEVER do that", as in make an adoption decision. More than once I've shared that thankfully, our children's birthparents COULD "do that" -- and that none of us can ever know what it took to make their decisions. I've asked each of the people who've said it to please never say that to me again, as it demeans my children's birthmothers and their very painful decisions. We've just tried to all go on together (very open adoptions), recognizing our essential roles, each of us, in our children's lives. susan