[kakuehl]

My first response was, yes: I wish I could have taken him home with me so that he hadn't spent over 3 weeks in foster care. My next thought... I'd never have gotten him away from my mother! (And she'd never have left me take him to my apartment at college!)

I,too, was not supposed to see D in the hospital (They "knocked me out" for the actual delivery and he was out of the room before I was conscious.) My mother and I walked down to see him in the nursery (once) with my dad trailing unhappily along. His only comment was that D was jaundiced. (Which may be the reason they kept him a day after I was discharged -- the only paperwork I have from the whole time are the hospital bills.)

I did cause consternation in the ranks by insisting on seeing him before I signed the final papers. (Although they actually had me sign the final papers before allowing me to see him.) They did, however, bring him to the meeting and I got to give him a bottle, hold him, examine him,etc. (This could explain why holding D's newborn son was a very emotional experience for me.)

Getting back to the original question, taking D home wouldn't have changed my decision. In many ways it would have complicated my life, especially when it came to my mother. I still wish he could have been with me rather than in foster care! (I'm sure they were competent, caring people, but! I had thought he was going directly to his (a)parents.)