Think I posted this in with another question today on the handling of teens who lie - so cut and paste (now ignoring that lying was the issue not the perfume) and will post it for your review - maybe some part of it still helps???
"The hardest part of age pre-teen and teenagerhood is the defiance of rules and expectations while the most important part is consistency and security from the parents (even when the children are balking!). We have had several times over the years when we pull all the kids in our household at the time together and say - time for updates - some of the old rules aren't age right anymore and some aren't working and re-establish house rules and things they are expected to do - allowing them some input as there may be outside and even peer influences that you may not be aware they are dealing with. Set an established set of rules and an update meeting so they know there is room for changes if and as they are needed. These rules also have to include incentives for making the right choice so they do think. At age 12 alot of girls start with sleepovers and they will do make-up and hair experiments and lotions/perfumes and you may need to alter that rule to certain times being acceptable and reward them when honesty is presented (i.e. - Mom we were at Stacy's and she and I put eye make-up on ... remember this is only allowed at certain times and since you told me you get an extra hour of tv) - simple and sweet without monetary values if possible. Our ds, the last one at home, is definitely not an angel but he has also told us the truth and there are times when I want to cover my ears and say no I don't want to know and yet I do as then there is little room for deceiving the parents. It also opens the door for them to say - this is what is happening ... I'm not allowed right - open communication is so important."
