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I am not a bmom, but I am so happy that this has been brought up. I am of the the think that "how can you say goodbye, without saying hello?' I also believe thatif a baby is meant to be given for adoption, it will happen regardless of emotions.
What bothers me is how I see some PAPs freak out over this.
I agree for some Bmoms it might be far too much to deal with seeing or holding their baby, but avioding this will leave an everlasting open wound and pain that will DEFINATELY resurface somewhere down the road.
My own Bmom though it was a closed adoption DID in fact have a chance to see me, hold me and say hello however she refused. I was adopted by her older sister and she still avoided me at all costs for years.
Some may say it was far too painful for her but I believe (knowing her personality) that it was more denial.
At any rate I think the lesson that has come out of the closed adoption era is how crucial it is for a mother to see and hold her baby and I would encourage them to.
I would even go a step further and suggest that the Bmom take the baby home or spend time parenting the baby for at least a few days. Maybe it should not be "mandatory" but more strongly recommended. At least they should have this option.
I think agencies should also encourage this, but I am hard pressed to believe they would.
I wish I knew how to do a poll because it would be interesting to see how many Bmoms would have gone on to parent had they been able to do this.
After having my own babies I was basket case with hormones all over the place. I cannot imagine making ANY kid of decision until after I was settled and home much less a life lasting decision that would impact me like no ther.
Gosh, thinking back I changed my babies name back and forth 3 times during the hormonal fog and confusion.
EZ
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