Hi,
I concur that one has to trust their heart - but take a step back and ask yourself if you were your DD would you ever want to see someone you looked like?
Would you ever really trust the birth family since they aren't the birth mom?
I agree with keeping the using birth mom away, but supervised or visits at an agency would be a nice way to let the birth family have some contact.
We have one open adoption - true this birth mom isn't an addict - but I can't imagine myself not having her parents as my friends and allies. Seriously - it has been ten years now.
Of course all those first open meetings are difficult. It is the nature of such an unusual way to form a new family relationship. It can get much better. I can't promise - but it is possible.
I frankly can't imagine my life with out them
When I tell friends that I left the kids with them I get this look of disbelief. I assure my friend that the birth family knows where we live and will return the children if we fail to go get them
It is just my experience - I would careful as all get out because of the birth mom - but she made her mistakes and the family didn't stick the needle in her arm.
Hang in there,
Denise