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Not sure if this helps
Both my children were highly parentified when we first got them. We had younger biochildren in the home, and they kept telling them what to do. I just say over and over,
"That's my job."
"You are not the parent, that's my job."
"Who's job is it to (tell another child what to do or not to do)...?"
"You do not need to do that. It's my job to (keep her safe, help him do that, call her to come inside)..."
I am always VERY careful not to give children tasks that set them over each other. "Bear tell your sister it's time to go. Kitty why didn't you tell Ponito not to take your toy? Bear go get your brother." -That's MY job.
It's not easy, and I often have to tell D especially that he needs to change his tone of voice because it sounds like he is telling someone what to do. He argues with me about it. D especially used to try to tell me what to do too, "Mom, you should go to bed now. Mom, you need to make dinner. Mom turn left here... I would gently correct him every time, because that's not his job!
Hope that helps,
__________________
Mary in TX
http://marythemom-mayhem.blogspot.com
http://rad-online.org/
Mom to biokids Ponito(10) and his sister Bob(13)
Sibling pair adoptive placement from NE 11/06
Finally finalized on Kitty(14) on 3/08 - 2 weeks before her 13th birthday!
Finalized on her brother Bear(16) 7/08. He turned 15 the next day.
Adopted children are diagnosed with RAD, bipolar disorder, severe PTSD, ADHD, ODD...
" Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."
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