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Originally Posted by dpen6
Lots of times we tend to lecture the elders..."YOU NEED TO DO such and such"....YOU WILL DIE if you don't do such and such and what happens they shut down. It becomes a big control issue and the orginal reason for the convo is gone.
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Donna, as usual your advice is filled with wisdom and is so down-to-earth. I thank you for that...
You've hit the nail on the head. In the past, I think I've patronized my mom when talking to her about following doctor's orders and taking her meds. And you are so right, it then turns into a huge control issue between us.
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I am currently working with a person that was very successful in his life but is now confused, weak and helpless. I have noticed that when the aides or nurses treat him as the confused, helpless elder he is is he acts out big time. Combative ext. Give him the time to express, ignore the jiberish and attempt to REALLY listen you will HEAR what he is saying...He calms right down and is compliant again. He is a very sweet intelligent man but he will tell you after a while...in a very difficult way ..don't treat me like a baby..
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This is exactly what I discovered when my mom was in the hospital last month. There were a couple nurses that couldn't stand her, and one of them even threatened her and yelled at her. They soon discovered that if I could talk to her on the phone about whatever test or procedure they wanted her to have, that she would calm down and comply with them. It soon became really apparent to me that the problems the nurses were having with her were mainly due to the way they were communicating with her. They weren't taking the time to listen to her...they were just treating her like a little kid who was throwing a tantrum. She was having a hard enough time finding the words she wanted to use (expressive aphasia), and when the nurses would get impatient with her, Mom would get really frustrated and angry. I remember calling her room once, and hearing a nurse raising her voice like my mom was deaf. I later called the nurses' station and told them her hearing was fine, that she's super sensitive to noise and loud voices (she's a musician), and that all that was happening when they raised their voices to her is that she quit listening. I don't know if I was able to make my point or not to the nursing staff...I hope so. At least they were nice to me and didn't hang up the phone, lol...
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Separate her noncompliance from you....With the stroke and age she probably is NOT the same women she was when you were a child..but still has the basic feelings of wanting control. Give it to her as much as you can.
Did I make sense???
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Very wise advice here, Donna. Thank you again. I agree with you...my mom is not a child just because she's old and sick. She still needs to have as much control as she can muster now. And I don't think I should take that away from her. I think it will probably be best to encourage her to be as independent as she can be, at least for the time being. And, yes, you make perfect sense...
