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Originally Posted by Kelly Rae
I have been through this and it is so painful. It is not normal development to insert a finger in an anus. Yes boys and girls at this age are curious, but this passes the line of normal curiosity. Also foster kids have been removed because of adverse parenting, which often includes amongst other things to being exposed through tv or actual sexual abuse to things kids shouldn't know about.
In our case it was a sib set. The boy was 5 and his sister was 3. They were a concurrent placement. We had talked to teachers, sw's, their attorney, and their foster mom to make sure they weren't attacking out sexually before they moved in. Everyone said they were fine. They move in and once the 5 year old felt safe he started to act out sexually on our 4 yr ad. He also inserted his finger in her anus. To make a long story short we tried so hard to keep this placement, but the more vigilant we got the more blatant he got in his behavior. We found out he had been abusing his sister for some time and she started to act out sexually. We asked for them to be moved and the county was taking their sweet time in finding them a home. Our home was turned upside down trying to keep everyone safe. We finally called and said we couldn't keep everyone safe they had to be removed today. What an awful experience putting them into the car to be removed I will never forget, but I have never regretted it either. We have since found out that they were abused in the previous foster home and by their birth father. The county tried to get us to keep the little girl, but our therapist said she would be acting out as bad as he did given a little more time. Is it possible the older sister abused her brother? If these sibs were together what ever happened to him has likely happened to them to some degree. I would not leave your 4 yr old alone with the older girl and would be temped to have her remove especially because she is already acting out on the 1 yr old.
By the way our daughter is fine we did get her therapy for a short time and kept her on a line of sight supervision in case she acted out in the same manner that had been done to her. She is fine today.
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This is a good point...I vaguely thought maybe this could be "normal" (considering my boys would have "pee" wars, lol to see who could pee the fartherest). This is quite different from just peeing in another persons presence.