Raven
You could bring up the DNR question very gently..as in " I understand the doctor told you about the DNR option, Iam NOT telling you what to do but want to make sure YOU underestand" If she starts to get uptight, drop the subject..tell her its ok the ball is in her court and she can do this anyway she wants. Just wanted to make sure she understood all thats going on with her health and you KNOW she is capable of doing what she thinks iis best.(haha)
Lots of times we tend to lecture the elders..."YOU NEED TO DO such and such"....YOU WILL DIE if you don't do such and such and what happens they shut down. It becomes a big control issue and the orginal reason for the convo is gone.
The one thing that I have learned while working with the geriatric popualtion is that often being the humans we are we look at the white hair, glasses, and walker and forget about the person that is really on thie inside. Many tend to patronize(not saying you do) , forgetting that these folks may be able to teach us a thing or two about life. I am currently working with a person that was very successful in is life but is now confused, weak and helpless. I have noticed that when the aides or nurses treat him as the confused, helpless elder he is is he acts out.big time. Combative ext. Give him the time to exspress, ignore the jiberish and attempt to REALLY listen you will HEAR what he is saying...He calms right down and is compliant again. He is a very sweet inteeligant man but he will tell you after a while...in a very difficult way ..don't trreat me like a baby..
Anyway, I went off on a tangent..I know thats not the case with your mother...but my point is to try NOT to succumb to her efforts to argue, understand that it may not be you personally she is being argumentive about.but her own issues. Seperate her non compliance from you....With the stroke and age she probaly is NOT the same women she was when you were a child..but still has the basic feelings of wanting control. Give it to her as much as you can.
Did I make sense???
