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Originally Posted by kakuehl
Hang in there.... You're doing fine. You might ask her how she plans to die? The biggest problem is that having a stroke or heart attack does not guarantee that she will die. She might end up much worse than she is now, but still alive. Does she have a living will, is she DNR? (BTW, My dad warns us not to call 911 until we're sure he can't be resuscitated.
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Kathy, thanks for the vote of confidence...it means a lot to me.
No, I haven't brought this subject up with my mom yet. To be honest, I don't know if I will or not. Because...I have tried it so many times before in the past few years, ever since she was diagnosed with diabetes and hypertension. Up until the time of her stroke, she had refused to take any of the medications her doctor prescribed. And I have gotten into so many arguments with her over her noncompliance. It just isn't worth all the stress and hard feelings right now.. Either that, or I'm just a total coward. I mean, what if I bring the subject up, she gets ticked off at me for the hundredth time, I hang up the phone with hard feelings, and then she dies?? That's my childish fear right now...
When she was in the cardiac unit at the hospital a few weeks ago, her doctor told me that her noncompliance with her treatment plan had been documented. He talked with her then about signing a DNR if she wasn't going to follow his instructions. She refused to talk to him about it. But the doctor told me that if she has a future massive stroke or coronary and ends up in a comatose state, then the DNR or "no code" decision will be left up to me. I understand that both of my phone numbers have been placed on the front of her hospital chart, so I can be called immediately if she ever codes.
I get so confused sometimes about it all. My mom doesn't want to deal with the possibility of dying, yet she won't take the meds that will enable her to continue living.
I get so frustrated. It was so different when my dad was dying back in 1992. He and I sat down and went over his final wishes. He made sure I understood exactly what he wanted to happen in the event he became incapacitated. He signed a health care proxy, durable power of attorney, and living will. And when he entered a coma from a massive stroke (he was in the last stages of terminal lung cancer, but the stroke is what actually killed him), I was able to follow his wishes down to the letter. I am so grateful to him for that...it made the responsibility on me a lot more bearable.