[KarynB]

Guys, isn't it possible that we are all "right" in some way here?

Belle - thanks for all your posts and pointing out things I had never thought of. I can't even imagine what it is like to walk on eggshells your whole life...actually, in a way I can. I had my DD when I was 19 (pg at 18) and her and her dad and I are no longer together. Whenever I say something he doesn't like he threatens court and custody battles. So - not really the same as your situation as a birthmom as I am raising her, but same sort of fear and uncertainty. Anyways, i sure appreciate you honesty and thoughts on this.

Jenna - you have a way with words and I sure hope you are doing something with that? Advocacy work, author? But, maybe there is more than one perspective here? anyways - I hear what you are saying especially about being treated like gold until you hand over the baby and then you are discarded...and never to be thought of again. Or, if you are thought of, it is from a position of someone else holding the cards...I do get that.

BUT - I get what proudmom is saying too. The term ex-mom was a typing error - yes, one that should be pointed out and NEVER used again (I've said that right from the start) but not used (I sure hope) in a derogatory way, you know? Does it make you feel that way? Yes, it does, and I sure can understand why. But that has got to be seen as different than someone purposfully calling you a name or a term meant to offend. I mean, if someone in the store asks me about my sons "real" mom in totally innocence, I don't like it but I don't go off the wall. Now, if someone says it in a derogatory way and on purpose, that is different.

BUT - haha, I keep contradicting myself. Anyways, maybe what you are saying is that it is ok for us to feel that way because we are the ones in power - similar to the example I used above regarding white priviledge. And I do feel the entire adoption system needs reform. I've been to too many conferences and seen to many very confused adult adoptees to feel otherwise. And I also beleive in the power of language. As a women's studies major - I know that men will argue until they are blue in the face the fact that every text book in the world that only mentions one gender means nothing, we as women know otherwise.