[paigeturner]

I will venture to say that all of us at one time or another has said something in our lifetime that others find offensive; perhaps not in relation to adoption, but in other ways. I know that my years participating in this forum I’ve been called on ways that I’ve chosen to phrase things. I’ve been called on the fact that I’ve hurt someone before by a careless word or two. And, it will probably happen again. However, I’ve learned from those mistakes. I’ve learned from reading these pages about others’ perspectives. I’ve grown as a person from my time here and I’ve learned empathy towards those members waiting for a placement and those members who have lived their lives as adoptees.

In this case it frustrates me that so many posters have explained why the term “ex” offends them and yet there is a rush to defend those that have posted it – like we didn’t get why the term was being used – we’re just not that bright. It further marginalizes those of us who have gone through the pain of relinquishment to be told that we hold “all the cards”, that we should just take offensive terminology in the spirit it is given and let it go. BTW, no one was saying not to be “gentle” when pointing out why such a term is hurtful…but I would like to point out that there are countless threads on this forum where adoptive parents come up with smart a** responses to all sorts of questions about their children’s adoptions. I guess that that’s all ok, it’s just venting. I get that and I rarely intrude on those vents, but for the disenfranchised side of triad, we should just put up and shut up. We’ll be gentle because we hold the power. Gag.