[swd]

We are adopting our son from foster care. (We are his "permanent placement" until the adoption is final.) He was originally placed in a temp foster home for the first 5 months of his life, until the system found us.

They are wonderful people and do so much for their foster kids, and really bonded with DS. So much so that they would like to have an "open adoption" of sorts where we will send them pictures and get together on occasion so they can see him. I like them a lot and have no problem at all with continuing the relationship.

The issue comes with money. They are not wealthy by any stretch. Nor are we, but are are well-off and are not struggling financially. I think it's pretty clear to them that we are not needy. However, they would not let me pay for my lunch the last time we went out with them, they brought him not one but TWO toys, and are already planning ways to celebrate his birthday, which is months away. They keep asking what he needs (nothing) and really want to buy him stuff.

I want to let them be involved with him, but I'm just not comfortable letting them spend so much money on him! He already has too many toys, and I really don't want more in the house, plus I feel like they're just throwing their money away on junk for him.

WWYD? Let them enjoy shopping and spoiling him? (Their $$ is none of my business, so maybe I should just butt out...) Or just tell them he likes books or needs clothes so at least they'll spend it on things he'll love and use? I want them to know that they don't have to buy a relationship with him. They will always be a part of his life, and he doesn't need toys to prove it, but they don't listen to me when I say that!