[dac_cincy]

here are my thoughts-
1. he wants visitation and then does not show up- he just lost that visit.
2. He says he wans to talk to them abut then does not call- he just lost that call.

he has not made an effort to be a cionsistent presence in the boys lives, so until he does, you should only allow visits on your terms. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT and then haul him back to mediation to get what you want and what is best for your boys.
As they get older they will be come more involved friend's lives, activities, etc and his visitation will have to include doing those activites so he might as well get used to the idea of coming to whereever the boys are.
You and your wife are the parents, not him. he is playing at being a a daddy on his terms, he is not interested in what is good for the boys.

Trust me, I have been the child in this situation. You need to advocate for your boys, your wife and the life you have built together.