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Once again, I did not read the book but I find this conversation very interesting and wanted to chime in again...
I read the book The Girls Who Went Away and it gave me a lot of insight into the time period that I was born and adopted. I believe that we, adoptees, were wounded by adoption. I don't know how much I believe that the separation as an infant was a wound - I'm quite sure it was at the time, but I don't know about you, but my memory does not go back that far. Perhaps it has affected me subconsciously, I really don't know. What I do know is that I am wounded by the adoption. Throughout my life I have felt sad many, many times over being adopted and kept it from my parents because I didn't want them to take it personally or be hurt. Don't get me wrong, I had wonderful parents/aparents, but no matter how wonderful they were there was still the knowledge of my being born and then given away by my mother. There was still that aching in my heart of not knowing.
I think that the deepest wounds of adoptions have to be suffered by our mothers. When they relinquished us they were aware of the loss (unlike us as babies). As a mother I cannot fathom this. It makes me so sad to know that my being born brought my bmom so much anguish, not to mention the pain of the not knowing that she must have had to deal with ever since that day.
Yes, wounds can be healed. I think that the only way to heal the wounds of adoption is to search and reunite. Whether the outcome is good or bad that wound of not knowing, that emptiness in our hearts and the barron family tree will be resolved so that healing can take place. So why does it have to be such an ordeal to search? Why the heck cant we be provided information about ourselves by the agencies that adopted us out? I just dont understand that. Who are they protecting? As adults we are entitled to our personal information. And according to the materials that I've read about bmothers, the vast majority of them also want answers and want information released. And there are so many search business making money off of our adoption "wounds" because all of the states will not open records to adult adotees.
Adoption does cause a lot of pain for us and our bmoms and I think that we are victims in a sense. Victims of a messed up system that back then pressured our mothers to give us up and now continues to victimize us by telling us we are not entitled to our records.
I dont want to think of myself as a wounded victim either. And you know, I'm not just sitting back, playing the part of a victim and taking no for an answer - I'm searching. And through all of this mess and emotions caused by adoption I can still hold my head up high and know that I love my parents, I love my children and my husband, I am successful in my career and happy with all of the aspects of my life outside of adoption. So in the end, I believe that I was victimized, but I refuse to be a victim.
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