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Originally Posted by kindredspirit
Okay back to you, sorry about that. As how to approach this, try putting it in a way that you are helping out a wonderful couple that can not have children on their own. The greatest gift of all, the gift of life, love and happiness. Ask her "Wouldn't that feel great to be able to share this gift with them?" I quess I would try to make it sound so positive that you and your children are doing something so speacial that the adoptive parents would be so happy. Reassure her the baby will be loved and cared for. If you have met the adoptive parents, maybe they could send pictures and gifts directly to your daughter from the baby. I did this with my son's sister and brother, they love it.
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Please do NOT say this to your child. It is not her responsibility, nor yours, to give this adoptive couple anything, nor to make them happy. Right now you need to address her loss, her grief. It does
not feel "great" to her to "share this gift with them." It feels horrible to her and she is going to deal with a lot of emotions, but I can guarantee that trying to put a positive spin on it will only make her shut down and totally negates her feelings.
Try telling her the truth in an age appropriate way. Assure her that you will always be her mom (most kids wonder, "If you give my brother/sister away, will you give me away too?) Speak with the adopting parents and be really clear about what consistent contact will mean to your child. If there is a legally binding open adoption agreement, talk to your daughter about what contact will look like.
If you want to chat, please pm me.