[gfmyers]

I've been reading for a while but this is my first post, mainly because I felt the need to comment on PW. That book should be required reading by anyone planning to adopt a child.

First a bit about me:
I am a 35 YO male, adopted at infancy. Spent first week with Bmom, 2 months in foster home, then went home to my A-parents.

I have had many issues that have came up throughout my life. There were no reasons for me to feel them. Before I knew I was a adopted I had very irrational fears of abandonment and rejections. I could not (and cannot) attach to anyone in a relationship without developing a "soft place" to land when the relationship implodes (I cannot think of anything good without preparing for a bad ending - relationship, jobs, etc...) I am married and have two kids and this spring I nearly destroyed it all because of my reation to an irrational panic that had over taken me.

For years, I had refused to read PW becasue "I was well adjusted, got good grades, had friends (on the exterior), have had good jobs, had a great adoptive family, married,
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...
I doesn't matter what type of facade you try to put up, how much you try to deny its there, IT IS. I will never go away and YES, it is a wound.
After my meltdown (breakdown, whatever you want to call it), I entered therapy. I had a great therapist. The first thing that he told me are there are two types of adoptees. Those who have had a major emotional event and those that will. Once we realize what adoption actually did to us, we can deal with the effects. By no means am I saying adoption is bad, absolutely not, but to ignore that fact that it dramatically affects the child is pure ignorance at best and highly irresponsible at worst.
My therapist suggested reading PW. I was the most eye opening thing I had ever done. It explained almost every emotional issue I had as a child, teen, and now adult. The overwhelming emotions were so great I cried for weeks at any time the thoughts came up.
I'm getting better now, but have a long way to go. I wish I had started this 20 years ago.

Do I recommend PW? I thing everyone and anyone involved in the adoption triad should read and commit to memory, it may just save you from doing something you'll regret forever, speaking for personal experience.